#491

• Why didn't Count Dracula get married?
• He wanted to remain a bat-chelor.

#492

• How is a thief like a thermometer on a hot day?
• They are both up to something.

#493

• Why does Father Time wear bandages?
• Because day breaks and night falls.

#494

• What is a rifle with three barrels?
• A trifle.

#495

• What weapon is most feared by knights?
• A can opener.

#496

• When do ghosts have to stop scaring people?
• When they lose their haunting licenses.

#497

• Why was the insect kicked out of the wildlife preserve?
• It was a litterbug.

#498

• What did the leopard say when it ate the man?
• That hit the spot.

#499

Two muffins are in the oven. One looks over and says, "Gee, don't you think it's hot in here?" and the other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!!!! A talking muffin!!!"

#500

• What do prisoners use to call each other?
• Cell phones.