#251

• Where do hamburgers go to dance?
• To a meatball.

#252

• How do you fix a broken pizza?
• Use tomato paste.

#253

This guy comes blasting into the doctor's office and exclaims, excitedly, "Doctor, I think I'm shrinking! I think I'm shrinking!"

"Ok, just settle down sir," the doctor says. "You're just going to have to be a little patient."

#254

Some adventurers are traveling through the jungle. They come upon a tribe of natives who take them captive. The leader of the tribe tells the men they will let them choose how they are to die. The first guy asks for a sword with which to run himself through. They give him one, and he starts to attack the tribe, but they overtake him and kill him, then use his skin for a canoe. The second one asks for a gun with which to shoot himself. They give him one, and he starts shooting at the tribe, but they overtake him, kill him, and use his skin for a canoe. The third asks for a fork, and the tribe figures, hey, how much damage can he do with a fork? So they give him one. Furiously, he starts poking himself with it. "To heck with your canoes!" he exclaims.

#255

• Why do ducks have flat webbed feet?
• To stomp out forest fires.

#256

• Why do elephants have big flat feet?
• To stomp out burning ducks.

#257

• What is Irish and stays on your patio, even when it rains?
• Patty O'Furniture.

#258

• What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?
• Wasabi?

#259

An infant rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately though, a family of squirrels took it in and raised it as one of their own. This adoption led to some peculiar behaviors on the part of the rabbit. It had a tendency to scurry up trees like its step-siblings instead of hopping along the ground. And it ate acorns and nuts instead of carrots. By the time it was half grown, the rabbit realized that it was different, so it went to its step-parents to discuss the problem.

He said he was unsure of his place in the universe and was generally forlorn.

His step-parents advised, "Don't scurry. Be hoppy."

#260

• What do you get when you cross a caterpillar and a parrot?
• A walkie-talkie.