#551

• What did the atlantic say to the pacific?
• Nothing. It just waved.

#552

• Why was the broom late?
• Because he overswept.

#553

• Where do fleas go to surf?
• To the microwave.

#554

• How do dogs order eggs at restaurants?
• Pooched.

#555

A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts. Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to New York and then west to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each day.

For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. There was no sign of the missing men.

They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists, because they feared an international incident. They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach and, sure enough, found the remains of the Russian.

One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"

"Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."

#556

• Why did the brain cell go to the other side of the brain?
• I don't know. It hadn't really crossed my mind.

#557

• What kind of limes open doors?
• Key limes.

#558

One day, this king decided to go hunting. So he gathered up his entourage of servants and went trekking into the woods, in search of deer. After searching for a while, he heard some rustling in the bushes nearby. He drew his rifle and aimed at the bush, when, all of a sudden, a man came running out, yelling, "Don't shoot! Don't shoot! I'm not a deer!" The king shot him dead.

After a little while, one of the king's servants finally gathered up enough courage to ask the king, "Sire, why did you shoot that man? He said he wasn't a deer!"

The king replied, "Oh! I thought he said he was a deer!"

#559

• What's Irish and lies around in the sun all day?
• Patty O'Furniture.

#560

• What did Snow White say when she dropped off her film?
• "Some day my prints will come."