#581

• What do modern artists eat for breakfast?
• Surreal.

#582

Holy Kleenex, Batman! He was right under our nose, and we blew it!

#583

• What would happen if black widow spiders were as big as horses?
• If one bit you, you could ride it to the hospital.

#584

• How does an octopus go to war?
• Armed.

#585

• Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?
• Because of all the tellers.

#586

• What did the cork say to the bottle?
• If you don't behave yourself, I'll plug you.

#587

• What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets?
• The kind of soldier that's always shooting his mouth off.

#588

• Why did the kid punch the bed?
• His mother told him to hit the hay.

#589

• Why was the lobster arrested?
• Because he was always pinching things.

#590

• What do animals read in zoos?
• Gnus papers.