#631

• Does a roller coaster like its work?
• It has its ups and downs.

#632

• Why shouldn't you bowl against a snake?
• Because snakes make lots of strikes.

#633

• What kind of snake is it good to have on a car?
• Windshield vipers.

#634

• What do you call a snake that makes a lot of noise when it eats?
• A slurpent.

#635

• What kind of snake is good at building things?
• A boa constructor.

#636

• Why did the boy fall off his bike?
• Because someone threw a fridge at him.

#637

• What do the bathroom doors at the funeral home say?
• His and Hearse.

#638

One day three fishermen were out in a boat in the Gulf of Mexico. They had not caught a thing all day when suddenly, one of the fishermen's poles started jerking. He grabbed it and started reeling in his line and shouting, "I got something! I got something!"

He had caught a nice fish, about ten inches long. The fishermen were about to revel in his accomplishment when the fish shook the hook out of his mouth and transformed into a being, half man and half fish, sporting a crown and holding a trident.

"Who are you?" said the frightened fisherman who had caught him.

"I AM NEPTUNE, GOD OF THE SEA, AND I AM GOING TO PUT A CURSE ON YOU LOWLY MORTALS! BEFORE YOU LEAVE HERE TODAY YOUR BOAT WILL SPRING A DOZEN LEAKS! ... NO, MAKE THAT A DOZEN AND A HALF!"

And with that, he dove back into the waters. As soon as he was gone, the fishermen's boat had sprung so many leaks they were forced to swim to shore.

To this day, they never forgot Neptune's eighteen-hole Gulf curse.

#639

A young lady who had just been dumped by her boyfriend seemed unusually cheerful. Someone asked her why, and she replied that, sooner or later, time wounds all heels.

#640

• Why is the most intelligent part of your body so intelligent?
• Because it nose.