#341

• What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bird?
• A gulp. It's like a swallow, only bigger.

#342

• How do you make an idiot think he's a duck?
• Tell him he's a duck.

#343

• What do you have when you have a cow and two ducks?
• Milk and quackers.

#344

• What do you get when you cross a sheep and a porcupine?
• Nobody knows, but whatever it is, it knits its own sweaters.

#345

Two men contracted to paint a small community church. Being very frugal (cheap), they pinched and scraped to spend the absolute minimum on materials. Then, when they were only partway through the job, they determined that they did not, after all, have enough paint to complete the job. Not wishing to spend any more money if they didn't absolutely have to, they decided they would just dilute the water-based paint they were using so that it would last longer. They did this a couple more times before they finished, which caused striping on the church as the paint got lighter each time it was thinned. The painters had just about gotten to the top of the steeple, when, all of a sudden, the sky darkened, and the rain started to pour down. As the paint streamed down the sides of the church, a voice boomed from the heavens: "Repaint, you thinners! Repaint, and thin no more!"

#346

• What's green and walks through walls?
• Casper the Friendly Pickle.

#347

• What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
• One sells watches and the other watches cells.

#348

• Why was the artist mad at the museum?
• Because they gave him the brush off.

#349

• How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?
• Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.

#350

One day, a tall man in a cowboy hat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"