#351

• What did the policeman say to his belly button?
• You're under a vest!

#352

• What's a policeman's favourite food?
• Irish stew.

#353

• What's the abominable snowman's favourite food?
• Spag-yeti.

#354

• What did one vampire say to the other vampire?
• Is that you coffin?

#355

A man had a son, but he was born as only a head. The man loved his son very much and took care of him, even though he was only a head. When the son turned 21, the man took him to a bar.

"One whiskey for my boy, barkeep!" said the man.

"You don't want to do that," said the bartender.

"He's a man, just turned 21! Get him a whiskey!" "I'm serious," the bartender insisted. "It's a bad idea."

"Just do it!" ordered the man.

So the bartender got the head a whiskey, and when he drank it, he sprouted a body! The head and his dad were excited, but the bartender wasn't pleased.

"Wow, another one of those for my boy!" yelled the man.

"It's a really bad idea," the bartender stated.

"Just give him a stupid whiskey! Geez, I'm payin', ain't I?" said the man, a little frustrated now.

So the bartender gave the son a whiskey, and he grew an arm! The father made the bartender give more whiskey to the head, and he grew another arm, a leg, another leg, and finally the head was a whole person.

The son was so excited that he ran into the street, screaming and shouting happily, and was hit by a car and died.

"I told you," the bartender said. "You should've quit while he was a head."

#356

There were two retired racehorses living in a pasture. Their names were Razzle and Dazzle. Every day they would race from one end of the pasture to the other. On the first day, Razzle pulled out ahead, then Dazzle caught up, then Razzle pulled away, then Dazzle started running even faster, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, and Razzle won by a nose. The next day, Razzle pulled out ahead, then Dazzle caught up, then Razzle pulled away, then Dazzle started running even faster, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, and Razzle won by a nose. The third day, Razzle pulled out ahead, then Dazzle caught up, then Razzle pulled away, then Dazzle started running even faster, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, and Razzle won by a nose. A dog who had been watching them race day after day finally asked them, "Why is it that Razzle always wins by a nose?" And Razzle said to Dazzle, "Look, Dazzle, a talking dog!"

#357

• What do bees chew?
• Bumble gum.

#358

• What is white, floats, and says "Boo"?
• A ghost boat.

#359

• How do you keep a moron in suspense?

#360

R. Boles was an amazing man. Every day, he would climb a palm tree and fly it to work. Word got to the military about the abilities of this man. They brought him to the base to see if the rumors were true and if his abilities might be used. The man was worried because he could see no palm trees. But nobody would listen. They told him, "Trees is trees, right?"

Anyway, they brought him to the general, who wanted him to demonstrate what he could do. He said, "But sir, this is an elm tree."

But the general snarled back, "Trees is trees, right? Now get in that tree, and fly."

The man climbed the tree and tried to fly it. He tried and tried again, but the tree wooden even budge. The general got impatient. "What's the matter, son? Can't you fly trees?"

"Sir, that's what I've been trying to tell everyone. I'm a palm pilot!"